Thank you!

thank you copyFor almost a month and a half, we’ve been relying on the kindness of his co-workers. They have donated their vacation time to Chad, which has helped us immensely.
It took pressure off of Chad to work from home when he could not focus or concentrate. And it took pressure off of me, trying to figure out where to find a paycheck!

A couple of days ago, I asked him what he wanted to do before his donated time ran out. He stated he would not ask for anyone to donate time, but he would not turn any down if people wanted to donate.

I am absolutely shocked as I write this.

Chad has just received quite a bit of shared vacation time from his co-workers.
I have no idea WHO did it – but please know that we are truly, deeply grateful.

I certainly do not want Chad to push himself to go back to work if he’s not ready; and I am deeply touched that so many of his co-workers care about our family that they would sacrifice their personal vacation times with their own families.

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.

It’s OVER.

041bToday, I escorted Chad to the radiation suite of the Cancer Center for the very last time.
And I did a little happy dance inside.

The girls & I were up late (for them, anyway) last night, baking and decorating cookies for the radiation staff. They were tickled!

All of Chad’s labs came back good today, as usual.
All of questions were answered, and I guess I’ll just share them with you so you can feel like you were there with us in the exam room.

When is Chad’s next check-up at the Cancer Center?
In two weeks, for labs and a follow-up with Dr. Reilly (radiation oncologist).

When and where will the MRI be conducted? And how often will Chad have MRIs now?
It will be the August of 12th, at Rex.
If there is nothing notable in the MRI next month, Chad will most likely have MRIs every six months for the first year until regrowth occurs.

And what about that tumor regrowth?
Chad will be watched very closely for the first year, as that is the time period is which it’s most likely to occur. He will still be watched fairly closely for the next three years.

When will Chad have his hair back?
He should have a semi-full head of hair in about 3-4 months, as some of the patchy areas do have peach fuzz already.
Oh, the body is a miraculous thing isn’t it?

What about work? And driving?
Take it easy on both fronts. It may be okay to start working from home starting late next week or the week after that; but it’s completely up to Chad and how he feels.
Same with driving – he needs to “refresh” his driving confidence, and he’ll be taking short trips from home to adjacent neighborhoods in the next few days.

When can Chad stop chemo?
Right now! He’s done!
And no one is happier about that than Chad, I can assure you! We hope the stomach pains will subside and he will regain his appetite.
(I guess that means I’ll have to start cooking again, but I don’t mind. It will be nice one I get back in the groove again.)

As always, we appreciate your support, prayers, positive thoughts and concern.

We’re looking forward to getting back on a normal schedule and having conversations that don’t include any medical jargon. You may not see as many Twitter updates or blog posts in the next couple of weeks though – don’t be alarmed.
Carys starts a Kindergarten Entry program tomorrow through the next two weeks, I’ve got to make up for lost (and promised) quality time with the girls, and I’ve got a lot of other workish things going on. And, I think I’ll finally be able to kick my insomnia habit now that this radiation schedule is behind us. We’ll see — and I hope I didn’t just jinx myself!

A trip to the market is like a vacation

It rained all day today, so we were itching to get out of the house.
We decided to go grocery shopping — and wouldn’t you know I had an extra set if hands this time? I was shocked that Chad felt like going with us, but he did!

When I announced we were going shopping, Cailyn was very excited. She wanted to wear her sparky shoes (red glitter shoes from her Halloween Dorothy costume). I obliged.

When I buckled her in her car seat, it dawned on me that she was wearing her dress-up clothes.
Oh, whatever. She was absolutely giddy about all the “pretty ballerina” comments she received in 45 minutes!

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Chad perused the aisles and put a few things in the cart — which made my day! You have no idea how good it feels to see him getting his tastes back.

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And of course Carys was there too – sticking by the cart to see what goodies we were going to have for the week.

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True to form, she managed to convince me that she needed some Skittles while we were checking out. “Every kid needs Skittles, mommy. It’s like tasting a rainbow….aaaaand you know that commercial where that man eats his friend’s magic Skittles and his friend’s hair falls out? We don’t want that to happen.”

Oh no, what we don’t want is for our kiddos to watch entirely too much television and start reciting insane commercial plots to you.
I’m just saying.

Ask the Lanfords, Round 2

ask lanfordsBecause I’ve been such a bad blogger lately and cannot write a decent post to save my life, I’ve gathered a few more riveting questions from my inbox and IRL (In Real Life, for those not adept with Internet lingo).

What happened to the Friday Feast? I feel bad for asking about it, but I miss it!
The Friday Feast is one of those things that had to be put on the back burner for a while. I do plan on bringin’ it back, but I have no idea when.
And I’ll be perfectly honest, there hasn’t been much going on in the Lanford kitchen for quite a while. Chad’s diet consists mainly of Ensure, Pediasure and Boost nutritional drinks. He adds some yogurt and about one full meal a day to fuel his body. We’ve been eating very little – and I’m glad it’s Summer. Lots of salads and fresh veggies and fruit for us. Light and easy — that’s my style of food prep lately. I go weeks without turning on the oven and I’ve only grilled once in the last two months.

What inspires you?
There are so many things that inspire me.
My husband. My kids. My family.
All the beautiful things the world has to offer.
Everything and anything, really.

Are you sad, nervous, or excited about Carys going to Kindergarten?
All of it.
She’s ready, and I am too.
It hit me really hard when it was registration time because I will have a Kindergartner and a Preschooler this Fall. I will have some time to myself, and I’m not exactly sure how to fill it. (Though I’m sure I will manage just fine…)
Carys is very excited, even though she has bouts of anxiety too. She knows two children that will be there with her this Fall — and we’re hoping at least one of them will be in her class to help her a little bit.
I think it will be good for to have an established routine — and she loves to learn.

What’s your favorite picture of your little girls?
Oh, that’s a toughie!
I take many, many pictures of my little hams. Sometimes they actively participate. Sometimes I have to bribe them.

This is my favorite shot of Carys, taken in August 2008.

Carys 8 2008
This is my favorite of Cailyn, also taken in August 2008.

Cailyn 8 2008

And, while I’m at it, this is my favorite photo of them together. It was taken in September 2008 in Wilmington at the Cotton Exchange.003

It captures their personalities perfectly; Carys is our happy-go-lucky giggle girl. And Cailyn is shy and more reserved; serious even.
I enlarged this picture and had it printed on a 16″x20″ gallery wrap by Canvas On Demand. It’s hanging in our hallway, between the kitchen and the girls’ room. It’s one of my very favorite things.

What ever became of your kitchen remodel project?
Oh, I would use the term “remodel” very loosely.
We Chad painted the kitchen a lovely shade of apple green that I hated once it was on the walls but it’s grown on me. I was then going to have curtains made — but after driving myself crazy with fabric swatches that I wasn’t thrilled about paying out the nose for, I gave up. And added yet another item to the back burner.
So, we now have a bright green kitchen with the old curtains that have that shabby chic don’t-really-match-but-I-don’t-really-have-time-to-care look about it.

Is Chad’s hair loss permanent?
We’re not really sure. Sometimes it doesn’t come back at all. But in most cases, it does.
While in the waiting room this week, I was reading over a few new pamphlets on radiation therapy and its side effects.
Apparently, the average time for hair to grow back is three to six months.
He doesn’t like hats, so he’s going to have to get used to the Mr. Clean look for a few more months yet.

When can Chad go back to work?
No one is more eager to get back to a normal routine more than Chad (and probably his coworkers).
We really hope that Chad will start feeling better after treatment is complete this week. However, I’ve also read that he may feel pretty puny for two-three weeks after treatment is over. The radiation is still technically “active” during the first few weeks following treatment. Radiation works by killing off the cancer cells -as well as the healthy cells- and it takes the body some time to rebound and rebuild.
Chad is hoping to be back by the end of the month. We’ll just have to see how it goes.

Will any other side effects be permanent?
Again, we do not know. Only time will tell.
Most of the side effects were lessened (or have completely gone away) once he tapered and finally weaned off steroids (dexamethasone).
He still is easily and constantly fatigued. He was chronically tired before the surgery, so I think that’s something he will just have to deal with. We are hoping that it will become more manageable once radiation and chemo are complete.
He does still have some concentration and memory problems. Again, we hope that those issues will resolve after treatment ends.
And I just have to say that I am extremely eager to see where we are now. The tumor resection was nearly four months ago (shunt nearly three months ago), and I’ve not really had Chad “back” since that time. There were a few days following the shunt surgery that he was more like himself, doing housework and such – but he was still on steroids at that time. When all the meds and treatment effects are out of his system, I hope he genuinely feels better than he did pre-surgery. It was our goal to have him feel better in the long run, and I hope we met that goal.

What is your favorite comfort food?
Lately, if it’s in my kitchen, it’s a comfort food.
And it depends on the day. The mood. The heat index. The size I was able to wear that morning.
I have been making an effort in the last few weeks to eat better and take better care of myself. There is nothing like bathing suit season to force you into a body wake up call. Also, there is nothing like a three-year-old announcing “Mommy, you gots a big hiney!” very loudly in a tiny department store dressing room stall with bad mirrors and shady lighting.
Honestly, I’ve been thinking of making a switch to a more vegetarianish lifestyle soon. I need to kick my sweets habit. I need to lose this stress-eating weight I’ve accumulated in the last year.

Oh, I was off topic.
Favorite comfort food?
Mashed potatoes. Fried chicken. Cheese and crackers. Mexican. Italian. Anything freshly baked. Anything with bacon or cheese. Anything with a dip.
Yea, I think that pretty much covers it.

A day in the life of a brain radiation patient

Wednesdays are our busiest days.
We arrive early for blood work. 043
Sometimes we see the medical oncologist or her PA. After radiation, Chad sees his radiation oncologist to discuss any new symptoms or address questions.
Most of the time, we head down the hall to the other side of the Cancer Center to the radiation sub-waiting area.

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Chad usually has to wait less than five minutes for the radiation technicians to take him back.

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He lays on the table and is adjusted to the correct height.

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Chad receives his custom fitted bite plate and mask.

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Chad is lined up with the radiation beam.
The lights go out.
The technicians leave the room.
And the treatment starts.

In less than ten minutes, he’s finished.
And he has a nice honeycomb pattern on his forehead for about fifteen minutes.

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Of course, this photo was from a few weeks ago when he still had hair.

We head home, and usually arrive in our driveway a little over an hour since we left.
Chad takes a nap and may grab a snack if his nausea allows.
After dinner, Chad takes his anti-nausea medication and watches television with us.
At 10pm, he heads to bed and takes his chemo cocktail.
He gets up a few times throughout the night because he can’t sleep.

Morning comes and we do it all over again.

Chad only has FOUR (!!!!!) more radiation treatments left.
We are thrilled that this leg of our journey is coming to an end.
He will receive a follow-up MRI the week of August 12 and then we’ll head to Winston-Salem to see Dr. Tatter.
The waiting is definitely the hardest part.

Chad is doing well, for the most part.
I’m anxious to see how he is when he’s not feeling the effects of radiation. In about three weeks, he should feel much better.
At least that’s what we hope.
And we really hope that IT is shrinking!

The half-way mark (!!!)

As I type this, I am sitting in the sub-waiting area of the Cancer Center and Chad is in the radiation suite.
As of today, we are half-way through combination radiation/chemotherapy treatment.
The girls are at the movie theater with their grandparents. It’s quiet here today.

Chad is feeling better, but still very tired. He has completely weaned off steroids, and he looks a lot better. The puffiness is gone, and he’s not quite as restless (even though he’s still not sleeping).
He’s still not eating a whole lot. But that’s normal.

He is feeling more & more like exercising, which is a great sign. He’s been taking walks in the evenings and has clearance to ride the stationary bike if he feels up to it.
Things are looking good.

We have two appointments today after radiation; one with his radiation oncologist, Dr. Reilly,  and one with the medical oncologist, Dr. Campbell.
I’ll let you know if there’s anything new to report.

Feeling the effects of treatment

Tomorrow (Friday, June 19) marks the end of Chad’s second full week of radiation.
And he’s been on Temodar (chemo) for 10 days now.
We’re starting to see the effects; some of which we were prepared for — but some we were not.

Expected:
- Hair Loss; Chad just noticed it today
- Loss of appetite; he’s lost a considerable amount of weight in the last week
- Extreme fatigue; he’s simply exhausted
- Nausea; all the time. Medication helps, but we’re fighting with insurance for the one Chad needs
- Concentration issues; he has to focus very hard on talking and following a conversation
- Memory issues; he finds it difficult to remember things that happened a few days ago
- Speech issues; a little slur here & there. He concentrates on his words – a lot

Unexpected:
- Metallic taste in his mouth; nearly all the time
- Change in tastes; not related to the metallic taste, things just taste different (and bad)
- Restlessness; all the medications make it difficult to sleep
- Shaky fingers/hands; his fingers sporadically shake
- Muscle weakness/quivering; in his legs only right now
- Change in handwriting; it’s very shaky and different from normal

But, surprisingly (and thankfully), no seizures.
I am still driving him to his daily appointments. Even though he has “clearance” to drive, we both know it wouldn’t be wise for him to do so. He’s dangerously exhausted. And his reaction time is delayed. I would be a nervous wreck if he did drive himself to the doctor.

I’ll keep you posted.
And if he decides to shave his head, I’ll be sure to get pictures of Chad Mr. Clean.

The girls & the broken seashells

The most enriching part of motherhood, for me, is the opportunity to learn.
My children learn, yes. But what I learn from them is even better.
They help me relearn things I’ve forgotten during my journey through life.

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For Mother’s Day, the girls and I joined some family down at the beach.
We had a delightful time. I’m ready to go back, actually.

One of my favorite things to do is search for shells. The girls like the water, but they’re still a little leery of it, so they usually join me in the sand, digging for those tiny prehistoric-looking crabs and looking for shells.
I love them all; the small ones, the large ones, the tiny ones that you can never capture because the water steals it from your grasp as soon as you reach for it. There is a constant search for the elusive (and still intact) abandoned conch shell. (We found a beautiful conch once that wasn’t completely abandoned. And, man, did it stink.) And finding shark’s teeth is always a good way to pass some time, although anything black with a “point” is considered a shark’s tooth to the little people in my life.

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The girls were bringing me shell after shell; adding them to our collection with great triumph.
“Aren’t these pretty Mommy?”
“Haven’t you always wanted a shell like this one Mama?”

I wasn’t always looking at what they were putting in the buckets; I was just loving the quality time with them.

Suddenly, I discovered I was holding a bucket full of broken seashells. And there were a few other buckets in varying levels of fullness, too.

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I started rifling through the containers, sorting the whole ones from the not-so-whole ones, the dainty ones from the clunkers that were dappled with holes and other smaller shells, the gnarled ones from the more polished ones.

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I had my first handful of broken shells to throw back to the sea, and then Cailyn spied me.

“Mommy? What are you doing with my beautiful seashells?”

I explained to her that they weren’t the prettiest ones in the bucket, and we were going to throw them back. We had so many shells to take home; we didn’t need all the imperfect ones.

She stuck out her bottom lip, and I could see the tears welling up in her eyes.

“But you can’t throw them back. They are beautiful and they are all mine now because I found them.”

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Carys was right behind her, shaking her head vigorously that we had to keep them.
Well.
I couldn’t argue with the logic of an almost three-year-old and a five-and-a-half-year-old.

I thought about it for a minute; what would we do with several buckets of broken seashells?
You can’t do anything with them — they are broken. They are ugly. They are pretty useless.

But after seeing how much it upset my daughters that all of their hard shell-searching work was for nothing, I decided to haul them all home.
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We washed them, we let them air out. They were ready to be something, to do something. I just had no idea what.

Then, I remembered a ginormous glass jar (in a beautiful shade of pale water-inspired aquamarine) Chad & I received as a wedding present. The shells would fit nicely. I could make it work.

I wanted the girls to enjoy their shells every day, so we placed the jar in the kitchen on the bookcase. It looks right at home. And the girls love looking through the glass at the shells, trying to recall who found which shell a few weeks ago.
Our plan is to add to our collection and fill it to the brim. Those shells, even the imperfect ones, hold memories that I will cherish forever — and I’m sure the girls will, too.

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The point of all of that is this: the girls retaught me something.
There is beauty in nearly every single thing we touch.
And, sometimes we need to remember to really look before we decide to give up on something we were looking for.

In Chad-related News

My fabulous neighbor kept the girls for me because we had another appointment after radiation this morning. It was raining buckets, and I am so glad I didn’t have to lug those cuties along with us this morning. Thank you, Carla!

Radiation went well. We absolutely love his new appointment time of 10:45. We get there right on time and are taken straight back – they are literally waiting on us when we walk into the sub-waiting area. He’s in and out in less than 10 minutes. And that’s very helpful when I have the girls with us.

After Chad’s radiation treatment today, we headed out for a quick bite at Panera.
At Panera, Chad ordered the Smokehouse Turkey sandwich – bacon, cheddar, turkey and sun dried tomato mustard.
I ordered my beloved Pick Two; Greek salad and Artichoke Turkey. Yum.
I know you care deeply about our lunch menu, but I tell you for a purpose.

Chad took one bite and deemed his sandwich his unfavorite.
He tried mine, but again wasn’t impressed.
His tastes have really changed since surgery/radiation/chemo. His favorite, stand-by, old reliable foods just don’t appeal to him anymore.
It’s funny — all the little things that change during treatment that no one prepares you for.
Is it minor in comparison to other things that we could be dealing with? Yes.
But, still, when you are hungry and not feeling well, and you really crave something, you want it to taste good. You want it to taste the way you remembered it tasting.
And it just doesn’t.
We hope his taste buds will return to normal after he’s completed radiation and chemo.
There are other little things that have changed along with Chad’s tastes. More on that in a later post.

After lunch, we headed back to the Cancer Center for a follow-up appointment with is medical oncologist, Dr. Campbell.
All of Chad’s labs look good. His white blood count is in range, as well as all other pertinent counts. Internally, his body is doing a great job handling the treatments.
Dr. C mentioned that she will probably increase his Temodar dose from 100mg to 150mg, but she wants to wait and reevaluate Chad next week before making the change. She wants to make sure his nausea is at bay before any dose modifications.
Chad’s nausea is not bad when he takes the anti-nausea drug Kytril. He takes it a few hours before Temodar, and then takes Temodar at bedtime so he feels the effects less.

Dr. C also mentioned that she may have Chad continue Temodar at a higher dose after his combo radiation dose is complete in a few weeks. Chad’s been through the high dose before. And he doesn’t want to continue it. I completely understand, and will back him 100% if he decides not to pursue the more rigorous dosing schedule. Of course, he could change his mind once he starts to feel better from his current treatment course. I doubt he will change his mind on this issue, unless Dr. Tatter (neurosurgeon) strongly recommends continuing chemo based on an updated MRI (which will probably take place in August).

As I mentioned before, taking Temodar this time around is much different than when he took it last year. Now, he knows how it can make him feel, and the act of having to take it is worse than actually taking it (if that makes sense). It’s a psychological thing; he knows what it did to him last year. He knows that it made him miserable, even though it did its job in the long run. And he also knows that we only have one shot at radiation — and taking Temodar in conjunction with it makes the radiation more effective.
So he takes it. He doesn’t want to. He dreads it. But he takes it.

I picked up his laptop from work this afternoon so he could do a few things from home when he feels like it. He is so tired, but he also needs to put in some hours at work when he’s able.

As always, thank you for all of your words of encouragement. And an enormous, heartfelt THANK YOU to Chad’s coworkers for donating their time to help us focus more on Chad and less on getting him back to work before he’s completely ready.

Late with chemo

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Chad was supposed to start chemo on Monday. But there was some glitch-mixup-snafu with the ordering process. We didn’t receive the package until today. Ah, well. Two days can’t really hurt anything, can it? I mean, really. IT has been there for nearly ten flippin’ years. I don’t think two days is going to make us or break us.

Before I go on about Chad’s latest chemo adventure, let me explain the picture to your left.
I’ve yet to capture a photograph of Chad on the radiation table. By the time I take him to his appointment, he is ready to get it over with. He doesn’t want to wait around for me to take a picture to share with the world.
A few days ago, we noticed this nice little honeycomb pattern on his noggin following his treatment. It’s not a big deal – it’s just where his mask fits so securely on his head for a few minutes. It dissipates on the way home.

Just wanted to share that little “day in the life” moment with you.
My honeycomb-headed honey.

So. Chemo.
Yeah….
We received the box today after we got home from Radiation Run.
Chad took the dose earlier in the evening, but I’m not sure when exactly.
He ended up heading to bed around 8:45. He was wiped out.
The next thing I know, he’s not feeling well. At all.

He had forgotten that he still had some Kytril (the only anti-nausea drug that works for him) from last year’s chemo fun. So, he didn’t take anything for the stomach issues.
Bless his heart.
I felt terrible for him.

I raided the linen closet in our bathroom to find a few unopened boxes of Kytril — thankfully. He took them and seems to be feeling a bit better.

We really didin’t think that Temodar would affect him so much this time. He’s only on 100mg, ans he was taking 450mg last year. We hoped it would be a non-issue.
Now we know: take the anti-nausea drugs. Take them. Take them. Take them.

We actually saw Dr. Reilly today, much to our surprise. Radiation Run doesn’t usually involve a doctor chat, but I was glad it did today.
I had to call the doctor-on-call on Friday because Chad was worrying me. He had been running a fever for a few days, having chills at night. The doctor adjusted his steroid level and told us to check in with Dr. Reilly on Monday.
Well, Chad being Chad, didn’t want to bring it to anyone’s attention at the Cancer Center. It wasn’t a big deal to him.
When the nurse checked his temp today, the fever was back — and I finally told them what had been going on.
They talked a bit about steroid withdrawl, which we had surmised was the culprit. And Dr. R talked briefly about various infections…it was nothing new.
However, Chad is now on a month-long dose of antibiotics.

Dr. Reilly stated that Temodar can cause pulmonary infections, and they like to prescribe all patients on Temodar a course of antibiotics — which we had never been told before. He certainly wasn’t on antibitocs last year with Temodar.
Also, Chad’s immune system will be severely compromised while he’s receiving his combo treatment. These drugs are just a little added level of security to keep our man from getting a common illness. Something as slight as the common cold could really knock him for a loop.

No other news to report, other than changing Radiation Run appointment times. We’ve been going at 1:30, which is proving to be quite difficult. Chad is clearly too tired to drive and/or go to work as he had previously planned, and the middle-of-the-day is not the best time for me to have the girls out and about. Lunchtime and naptime breakdowns are sure to occur.
Luckily, we’ve secured a 10:45 appointment slot starting on Monday of next week. I think that will work much better for everyone.