A year ago

We’ve been blessed with beautiful weather lately.
The girls and I have thoroughly enjoyed soaking up the sun and doing absolutely nothing this weekend.
We did head to the park yesterday….

Apparently, we had equally beautiful weather like this last year.
I was flipping through some pictures on my laptop, purging some that were taking up space.
March 20, 2010 was a gorgeous day – all of us were in shorts and t-shirts.
Much like we were yesterday.

I got to one particular picture and I couldn’t stop looking at it.
Even though tears have soaked my shirt and my throat hurts from holding back sobs, I can’t look away.

Exactly one year ago today, March 20, the girls, my mom and I went to the park.
And Chad joined us, which wasn’t like him. He was so tired at that point and it was hard to get him out of the house.
He was worried that the sun would be too bright and bother his eyes or intensify his headache. I remember promising him we would leave the moment he got too tired or his headache got too intense, but that some fresh air might do him some good.
He loved Spring, so I didn’t have to twist his arm too hard.

I snapped a few pictures on my phone.
I just came across this picture of Chad.
He looks so good in this picture.
It just seems like a lifetime ago.
And yet, it seems like yesterday.

Chad 3202010
He grew that beard – which drove me crazy. The more I commented on it, the funnier he thought it was and let it grow more.
I miss that stupid beard.
I miss that look on his face; the look he usually gave me when I begged him to look at the camera. He would look, just to appease me, but my finger better be quick because he usually only gave me a second to get a picture.
I’m so thankful for all of these pictures.
They are so hard to look at, but also comforting.

Those sunglasses he’s wearing?
They are still clipped to the visor on the passenger side of the van.
The shirt?
It’s in my bedroom, folded and tucked away neatly in my drawer.
It was one of his favorites.


Apparently, I also snapped a few pictures of the girls from March 20, 2010.
What a difference a year makes.
They have grown so much.
And while these pictures of them make me smile and remember better times, I am also crying because they represent a time before everything changed. A time when they had both parents and they had no idea what was going to happen in their little lives in the next few months. They were truly happy. And didn’t know what heartache or missing someone who is not coming back actually feels like.
My sweet, innocent girls.

Isn’t it strange that I felt this urgent need to go to the park yesterday?
I had no idea we had been there exactly one year earlier with Chad.

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4 Responses to A year ago

  1. Candace says:

    Wish I could hug you. That is all. 🙁

  2. Cbwatson says:

    Love you girl! Know tears fall for you, the girls, your pain, and your love for Chad. Joy will fill your lives again, you and the girls will know true happiness again, God promises us that… and he never breaks a promise! LOVE YOU!

  3. Chris says:

    The heart remembers. I am glad you found those pictures. like found treasure.

  4. Rachael Thackston says:

    Those girls of yours are growing up. I was reading “about your day” one year ago… 🙂 Love you and glad to see you getting your face towards the sunshine. xoxo from Atlanta.

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