going back

I spent every day at hospice for nearly three months.
It’s hard to believe that I’ve been away for nearly that long.
I have to admit that it was strange to drive there again, a familiar route. I was on auto-pilot.

Earlier today, I had my first talk session with our counselor at hospice.
She usually comes to our house to talk with the kids, and it never works out for us to talk alone without the girls interrupting.

We talked for about an hour, I released some tears and frustrations.
I signed up for group therapy later this month. The girls and I will go once a week; some time for them with other kids who have suffered loss – and time for me to be with other adults who have suffered, too.
I think it will be good for all of us.
We’re ready.

After talking, the counselor asked if I wanted to go next door to the Hospice Home.
I knew I would. I even stopped on the way to pick up donuts for my friends, the staff, there.
I have missed them all so much. I’ve missed bringing in treats for them!

Walking through the doors of the Hospice Home was a surreal experience.
It smelled like I remembered.
It felt like I remembered.
It was just as I had remembered.
Only, I wasn’t there to see Chad this time.
I was there for me.

I saw familiar faces at the sign-in desk.
And then again at the nurse’s station.
And I saw the doorway to Chad’s room.
I didn’t go any further than the nurse’s station – that particular room was being cleaned, so I’m certain a new patient now resides there.
To me, and to them, it will always be Chad’s room.

I hugged, laughed & chatted with my friends.
Because they are all my friends – they embraced our family and I could not thank them enough for that.

Since dispersing Chad’s ashes last weekend, I have felt peaceful.
I have laughed more this week than I have in the last three months.
I haven’t felt the sense of dread and confusion nearly as heavily this week, either.
It’s progress, or at least  that’s what I”m going to call it.

Going back – it was something I knew I would do. Eventually.
That place, those people, those feelings – I knew I would revisit them all.
I just wasn’t ready until very recently.

My time at hospice during Chad’s stay really opened my eyes.
To what’s important.
To what’s essential.
To what’s good in a time in our lives that wasn’t good.

The staff was able to give me part of my life back, my life as a wife and a  mother.
I know, now, what I am supposed to be doing – and I had to let them know they had all inspired me to make a change in my life that will help me, but more importantly, help others.

In the Fall, I am going back to school.
For nursing.
At least, that’s the plan.

Today, I left with  happy tears, with promises to return, and an application to volunteer.

Going back – I will be.

This entry was posted in Chad, Chatter, the girls. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to going back

  1. Brock says:

    You will be a great nurse, Skye. Good for you!

  2. That's great Skye! Good Luck!

  3. Candace says:

    Skye! I am soooo excited for you!! How awesome! You continue to be such an inspiration to me! 🙂

    Please feel free to call today, I'm in the house with a bunch of sickies so it's a perfect day to catch me. 🙂

  4. Laura says:

    That is so great Skye -great that you are able to laugh a little more, great that you are seeking counseling for you and the girls, and great that you want to be part of such a wonderful profession such as nursing. With everything you have been through, you will make a compassionate, understanding, empathetic nurse. I am proud of you! 🙂

  5. Linda says:

    That is fantastic!

  6. Jennifer Proffitt says:

    Aww Skye! I wish I would have been working so I could see you…You are such an amazing person..We will always be here for you and the girls. =)

  7. Scabby says:

    That is WONDERFUL news! You will be the most amazing nurse.

  8. Amy says:

    That is wonderful news!! I am so happy for you & the girls!!

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