Conversations at the dinner table

The girls have been bickering more than normal.
They’ve even gone as far as saying (multiple times a day) that they wish they never had a sister.
I’m assuming this is relatively normal for sisters – I never had one, so I can’t vouch for that.
They love each other like crazy, but they each want their own individuality and I think they feel a little stifled at times.
Funny.
If they are like this at 6 and 4 years old, what am I in for when they are 11 and 13?
I think I’ll be in for a lifetime supply of Xanax.

Anyway…
I want to solve this little sisterhood problem.
I want to help them understand that they are each integral, beautiful, necessary parts of our family.

So I started something new this week.
Each night at dinner, we will take turns telling each other one thing we love about the other person, or something special they did that day.
I wasn’t sure they would embrace what I was trying to do.
But, did they ever!

Carys: I love my sister because she is cute and sweet and lets me play with her toys.
Cailyn: I love my sister because she helps me clean my room sometimes. And she doesn’t really have to do that.

I then took it one step further.
I never want them to forget the fun times we used to have as a family of four.
So, after we made our rounds of doling out affection amongst ourselves, I asked them to share something about Daddy that makes them smile.

Carys started off. And started to cry.
And then, of course, I felt terrible. I didn’t want to turn our sharing experience into tears.
I gave her a hug, told her it was okay to cry and that mommy cried about it too — and that Chad misses us just as much as we miss him.

“I really liked it when Daddy used to put on his Halloween costume and jump out of the woods to scare us on Halloween. I looked for him when we went trick-or-treating, even though I knew he wouldn’t be there. I thought maybe he could be.”

Sweet, sweet girl.

And then Cailyn added, “I really love it when Daddy would tickle me and pick me up. He is so strong.”

Double sweet girls.

—

Halloween was difficult.
We went to the Fall Festival, but I was constantly reminded that we had never been there without him. It was the first holiday where he wasn’t involved. He wasn’t here. And it hurt.
Even though he felt terrible last Halloween, he still went with us. We left the festivities early – but we went as a family.
And even though he felt terrible last year, he put on his Scream costume and hid in the woods to scare the daylights out of the girls, just as he had the previous 3 years.
The girls & I went through candy and I subconsciously sorted his favorites into a neat little pile. It was tradition that we would raid the girls’ candy stashes for our favorites as soon as they went to bed on Halloween night. I stared at the pile for a few minutes and then put it back in the bucket.
I had no one to watch scary movies with. No one asking me to go to every store I could in search of severely discounted Halloween Snickers and 100 Grand bars the following day. No one to complain to because I ate entirely too much sugar in one sitting. No one to tell me that they loved our life together and had a great time as a family. None of those conversations or things took place this year.
It was quiet when the girls went to bed, finally.
And then I cried when I went to bed. I cried a lot.

—

Chad was still quiet today.
He woke up briefly to get something to drink and then was out again.
I had to leave him at noon to pick Cailyn up from preschool and I just hate that I didn’t get to talk with him much today.

I did find out that they made a medication change yesterday.
His Depakote is now being administered orally if he’s able to swallow it.
I think that will be a better solution for him right now, if he’s awake enough to be able to take it.