daily update 10.03.2010

Chad took several cat naps yesterday – and with all the energy he garnered through the day, I thought he would be exhausted as soon as night hit.
Ummm.
NO.
Not really.
He continued taking brief naps, and then he was wide awake.
Until 5am this morning, at that.

I had to down mass quantities of caffeine to keep up!
He was talking, still hungry and wanting to get out of bed.
Sadly, he can’t get up. He is just too weak.
But it made me smile that he was so adamant about getting out of bed.

When he finally settled down at 5:20, I was ready to follow suit.
Stupid coffee and diet Dr. Pepper.
I did manage to get a few hours before he woke up again.

Today is not quite as high-paced as yesterday.
He’s not hungry, at all.
And he’s not really thirsty – just taking small sips with his medications.
But he is still talking, although a little more sluggish and less complete.

He does keep moving his legs restlessly, and he’s a teensy bit agitated this morning. I would guess this has more to do with being over-tired than anything else.
I don’t know how many times I’ve had to get the staff today to straighten him up in the bed – throwing his legs over the rail, trying to slide down to the floor.

He did take a nap earlier, and I took the time to get some breakfast and run some errands.
When I returned, he was all snazzy – bathed and dressed.
I asked him to let me take his picture, please smile – because the girls would love to see it.
And he tried to smile…

Thanks, Peggy, for the shirt.
He was confused when I showed him the picture on the screen — as if to say, “hey…where did this shirt come from?”
But he likes it – and said it was “very nice.”

—

He is having a bit of difficulty staying warm today.
He is cool to the touch and his teeth chatter occasionally.
I’ll ask if he’s cold, he’ll say yes. I’ll layer a blanket. And he rips it off about twelve seconds later.
And repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

The tremor in his arm has resurfaced today, but not a tremendous amount of pain.
Thank goodness for that!

The staff mentioned getting him into the recliner with the use of a mechanical lift.
Chad gave his permission – they hoisted him up out of bed and down into his chair.
I’m sure it felt good to have a change of furniture and to be able to leave the room.
I wheeled him down to the sunroom so he could see outside.
I asked him if he wanted to go out – and he shook his head no.
Probably not a good idea anyway; it’s quite chilly out there today.

He really enjoyed looking out all the windows. At first.
He grew to be quite uncomfortable after a few minutes.
He did manage to doze off though, for a bit.
When he had enough of the chair, my uncle (Wayne & Candy came for a visit) scooped him up and placed him back in the bed.
And he’s been asleep there ever since.

—

While I was so overjoyed to have such a good day yesterday, it also leaves me very confused.
Earlier in the week, we were preparing ourselves for Chad’s next journey.
And then yesterday, the fever broke, he felt better.
It was wonderful. It was strange. It was fantastic! It was bittersweet.

It’s an emotional roller coaster.

While I think I know what yesterday was probably all about, it still is such a difficult thing to witness.
Often, people will receive a extraordinary burst of energy a few days before death – to say goodbye, tie up loose ends, just be with their loved ones.
The staff seems to think that’s where we are – especially given his sudden interest in food, and the sudden disappearance of that interest today.
This part is just very, very difficult.

Yesterday was like getting a little piece of my husband back.
And I really wanted him to stay for a while.