Hello, October.
September is gone.
The month we’ve dreaded for three months is behind us.
The heat has given way to cool breezes and crisp mornings.
The downpours of this week will give way to dew-kissed grasses and shades of green, amber and yellow.
The lingering evening sun has given way to the gentle glow of the harvest moon.
And today is giving way to tomorrow.
While I’m not sure how many tomorrows I have left with Chad, I have a promise.
His pain will be no more.
His tired body will be restored.
And he will watch over us from a much better place.
Free from strain.
Free from worry.
Free from a body that doesn’t work.
Free from all of this – from everything.
—
Today has been quiet.
Chad has had a fever off and on, ranging from 101.5 to 102.6 degrees.
His breathing sounds vary; sometimes he doesn’t breathe for a few moments.
Sometimes it’s loud. Sometimes it’s heavy. Sometimes it’s so quiet that we check to see if his chest is moving.
He has had a few periods of apnea today, and the rattle in his throat appeared louder.
Medications helped quiet the sound, and the apnea seems to be gone for now.
He has had nothing to drink since yesterday. We offer small ice chips and he accepts, chewing and absorbing them as they melt.
Dehydration is slowly kicking in.
Two weeks without food.
His liquid medications, morphine and Ativan, have been switched to suppositories only, as he found it extremely difficult to swallow this morning. Liquid is just too much for his exhausted body to handle.
He is now receiving morphine routinely every four hours.
Seizure medications twice daily.
Ativan every three hours.
Tylenol as needed for the fever.
And more morphine as needed for break-through pain. Which, unfortunately, happened quite a bit today.
The nurses have been crying, a few of them clearly avoiding me.
And that’s okay. I will miss seeing them, too.
His eyes are bloodshot and the whites are turning slightly yellow.
His face is dry, peeling.
His heels, the bedsores, are increasing in size. No cracking yet, thankfully.
A new one has formed on his right ear. So, four, bedsores in all.
He is extremely uncomfortable if we touch his head or move an arm or leg.
Everything is sore. Everything hurts.
And there is nothing more I, we, any of us, can do.
He is nearly done.
He is still fighting the good fight.
Still finishing the race.
Still keeping the faith.
Dear GOD please let Chad pass in peace . I love you Chad and will see you on the other side.
Skye, my friend, I am so sorry. I pray that the Lord will show his mercy to you, Chad, Carys, and Cailyn. I wish that anything but the inevitable would happen, but I am sure that you will one day understand the greater meaning. I miss the times we shared together – happier times when you and Chad could just be. I will see you soon.
Love Always,
Kelly
Love you Skye ……
GOD is preparing a place. Hopefully, peace will come very soon!
Holding you all in my heart from the other side of the world.
Feeling for the people around you too including those professional people who invest themselves so clearly in the care they give.
Thank you so much for writing and allowing us to show our support in some small way. I wish there was something more practical I could do.
I love you Chad…I love you Skye…Mama you told Chad ” I guess I'll be with you soon when you were in the hospital” lol…But you were right…It's time to be with Chad Mama…go get him and take him home….I love you all….Amen…
god bless u and ur little girls with courage.may HE grant strength to Chad to bear the pain.
Skye my prayers are with you and your family. big hugs to you, you are a strong, amazing woman, God bless you. Cherie
God bless you and give you all peace and comfort.
Love you Skye, Carys, Cailyn
Sherri C.
My prayers are with all of you.
Skye,
Words are just not adequate at a time like this. We continue to lift you and Chad and the girls and your family up in prayer, asking our Heavenly Father to bless you all with His peace, strength, wisdom, and comfort. We love you and Chad — you have always been and will always be a very special couple.
Pastor Ron and Sherry