daily update 10.13 – 10.15.2010

I took a little break from updating, but I’m back.

Chad was definitely more tired. Ate a couple bites here and there, but nothing really worth mentioning. He drank well, but not quite as enthusiastically as the day before.
He slept well, and slept a lot during the day.
His parents visited and his dad gave him a fresh shave.
I love seeing his handsome face again.

He didn’t talk very much Wednesday, but would answer with a brief “yea” or “oh” if he felt like it.

I got out for a bit and had lunch wit ha friend.
The weather was perfect.

I picked Carys up from school and headed home.

The girls went to bed, and shortly after that, I heard Carys crying.
And then Cailyn joined in. Soon, I was engaged in a difficult conversation with two crying girls.

Carys: “I miss my regular daddy.”
Me: “Me too, baby. Me, too.”
Carys: “Why can’t he just be regular again?”
Me: “I don’t know, sweetheart. He is a very special person and sometimes extra special people have to go to Heaven early because God needs them there.”
Cailyn: “But we need him here.”
Me: “I know. We do. But we do not need him to hurt anymore. He is so tired. And the only one who can help his  body heal is…”
Cailyn: “God.”
Me: “That’s right, baby.
Carys: “Why can’t he do it here or at the Hospice House?”
Me: “I don’t know. We don’t know much about why God does what He does. But He does not make mistakes, Carys. This hurts us, all of us, but we will be okay.”
Carys: “Yea. I think so, too.”
Cailyn: “But I still wish we could have regular daddy back.”

Even more lethargic.
I was with him for a majority of the day and he was sleeping soundly. He woke up for brief periods, but wasn’t really feeling like talking.
I would get a meek “yea” or “oh” if I asked him a question. Sometimes a hand squeeze. Sometimes not.

I called to check on him Thursday night and was told he was still very quiet, sleeping.
No food and very little liquid.
His urine output is low.
No fever.
Some pain.
Seems we’re back on the sleeping cycle.

One of the lovely volunteers here took me to lunch yesterday to get me out for a while.
I’ve been enjoying lunch with friends for most of this week, and it’s a nice refresher.
Talking about things that don’t have to do with cancer.
People watching.
Just being myself for a change.

I stayed a little later than normal on Thursday, just because Chad had been sleeping so much.
He woke up shortly before my routine goodbye time, so I decided to stay and let Carys enjoy a ride with Nana this afternoon.

I’m here now, watching him sleep and trying not to disturb him.
Part of me wants to snuggle up next to him.
And the other part of me knows that would probably make him uncomfortable.
So I just watch and wait for a sign that he’s going to wake up for a few minutes.
He was awake, briefly, shortly after I got here.
I asked him a few questions, all met wit ha blank stare.
I tried to get him to squeeze my hand.
He did shake his head ‘no’ when I asked if he was having a good day.
I gave him some ice chips, as he was uninterested in sipping from a straw or cup.
Then he fell back asleep.
With his eyes open, even.

The patient across the hall has a frequent visitor that plays the guitar.
I’ve been enjoying his renditions of  the Beatles’ Yesterday, the Beach Boys’ In My Room and Elvis’ Suspicious Minds.
It’s a wonderful way to break up the monotony.

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4 Responses to daily update 10.13 – 10.15.2010

  1. Nhardin1 says:

    Skye – I don't know you, but I started following your blog when I saw it on a friend's faceook page. I pray for you and your entire family daily. You are so strong, and I cannot fathom the pain you are feeling. Hold tight to those precious girls and hang in there. You are amazing to me.

  2. Melliehodges says:

    Skye, I don't know you either and I also saw your blog and a prayer request for your family on a friend's facebook page. My family has been praying for you and your little ones and your husband. May God take away the painful memories from your girl's and leave sweet precious memories in their place. May God take away Chad's pain as only He can do it. God bless you.

  3. Tbullard60 says:

    Skye, As I have already told you, you are an amazing person to me. Never having met you children, I love them and think you are doing wonderful things to help them remember their dad and the good times. I check your blog regularly for updates on Chad and your family. Know that I am praying for all of your. May God bless and keep all of you in his care. Like you and your girls, I do not understand the reasons why some things happen to good, wonderful people.

  4. swati says:

    Skye,I am so surprized by the emotional strength you display while explaining things to your daughters. It is so difficult to discuss such things with kids of their age .Never have I met a strong person like you.I read your blog every day and have this tremendous urge to meet you all.But I live in India, so all I can and I DO, is pray for you and your family.

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