Daily Update 9.19.2010

Chad had a quiet night last night. And I slept like a rock. I think the ceiling could have caved in and I wouldn’t have noticed. SO tired.

He woke up around 8:30 and got a sponge bath and his teeth brushed. The only thing he said all morning was, “it’s here!” while staring at the ceiling again.
He got a fresh set of clothes and acted like he was hungry. I could hear his stomach rumbling. But he didn’t eat.

All in all, today has been a tiny bit better than yesterday.
Chad is still tired, but was awake for longer periods today.
He had some visitors, and he was pretty exhausted from the activity.

He has had half a piece of bacon and a small bite of a cupcake today. He drinks a little, mostly to wet his mouth of help with the aftertaste of his medicines.

He has had a extra pain medicine this afternoon/evening. His head really started to bother him around 6pm, and he’s been sleeping ever since.
He kind of cycles between having a slight fever or being cold. He’s been chilly off and on today.

I asked his permission to check his blood sugar.
I was curious to see if his paleness was related to low blood sugar…
He held out a finger and let me check.
I really suspected it to be ultra low, given the lack of food in the last 36 hours.
But, surprisingly, it was 115.
I feel more comfortable backing off food for him. If he’s hungry, great. But I’m not going to force it on him. His body is getting what it needs, or else the glucose number would be much lower (or even higher, given stress levels). It’s perfectly “normal”.

I ran home today for a few hours.
The hospice home’s washing machine is out of commission again, so I took all of Chad’s clothes home.
And I wanted to snuggle those girls of ours!

They were at lunch & the park with Papa when I got there, so I had some quiet time to myself.
Vacuumed, believe it or not. It felt good to do something mundane and routine.
Fed the dog. And the cat. Again, felt good to have a checklist.

The girls came home and we all snuggled on the couch for a bit.
An overwhelming wave of exhaustion hit me and I took a nap.
Which lasted far longer than I intended. But it was so nice to sleep in my own bed for a change!

Shortly after I woke up, I folded the laundry and started to say goodbye to Carys.
She is having such a hard time and claims that I hate her. Poor girl.
I finally just told her, matter-of-factly, that if I hear her say that again, I would have to treat it as a lie…because mommy loves her so very much and she knows it. Her face changed a little bit when I said it, so I hope that she understood what I was trying to say.
She’s blurted this out to me several times in the last few months. I usually set her down and we talk about it — and how it’s not true, why would she say that, etc…
Nothing seems to help.
So, I thought I’d take a different approach this time. She knows she gets in trouble for lying – and that lies hurt people.
Maybe that I phrased it in a different way, it will help her understand. I don’t know. It’s just so hard for her. And I hate that — I truly do.

She also told me she was tired of me coming and going – that I should just pick a place and stay there for good.
Bless her heart. I know she is feeling abandoned. I tried very hard to let her know that Chad is not feeling well and wants me to be with him, just like her when she’s not feeling well. And I constantly tell her I will try my best to come home everyday, even if it’s just to give her a hug.

Cailyn was excited to see me, too.
But she wasn’t nearly as upset as Carys.
She fell asleep while I was napping and I briefly woke her to tell her I’d call her later.
She whispered, “Okay, mommy. I love you.”
And drifted back to sleep.

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