Home again, home again. Jiggety Jig.

We got home Wednesday evening around 5:00.
The discharge process took all day, literally. But that’s okay — at least we are H.O.M.E.

I didn’t get to post many updates from my phone – it was just a little too challenging to do so. I couldn’t see what I was typing, so I just decided to post later (now).

Here are the events, as I have pieced them together and witnessed.
Chad, Cailyn & I were exhausted Tuesday afternoon. I laid down with Cailyn and fell asleep. I remember Chad getting up around 4:15, which is usual. Carys’ bus drops her off anywhere between 4:30 and 5pm, so he takes a stroll down our street until the bus decided to show up.
I glanced at the clock and scolded myself for falling asleep when I had so much to do. But then close my eyes because I figured ten more minutes wasn’t going to hurt anything…

I awoke to a voice in the distance, yelling something. I couldn’t quite make out what it was, but I quickly realized it was Carys. She usually sings or talks VERY loudly all the way home from the bus stop. I thought she was complaining that Chad hadn’t taken the dog to the bus stop to meet her; which has been a common complaint recently.
But. No.

She ran into my room, panicked but also calm. I’m not exactly sure how to describe the look on her face. She was crying. And she was scared. She told me, “Daddy is having a seizure in the road.” Without thinking, I leaped from the bed and ran. No time for shoes. No time for anything.
As soon as I spotted him lying in the street, my pace quickened. Automatically.
He was lying in the road, on his back. His head and most of his body were in the street. His right foot was in the neighbor’s grass.
Convulsing. Spitting.
It was bad.

The girls were both outside by now, and I was trying to shield their view as much as possible. I sat at his head, with my back facing the girls so they couldn’t see much of what was going on. I had them wait close by our mailbox so they wouldn’t see too much.

I took Chad’s elbows in the palms of my hands so he wouldn’t scrape them too badly.
I made sure his head was turned to the side.
I  placed the jacket Carys haphazardly discarded in the middle of the street underneath his head.

I noticed a large bruise and abrasion on the right side of his head. He had fallen. Maybe?
Carys didn’t see what actually happened. She was talking to him, walking a few steps ahead. When he didn’t respond to one of her questions, she turned around to see why he wasn’t paying attention to her. And then she instantly discovered why.

My brave girl says she told him “not to be scared.” And that she was “going to get help”.
Bless her heart. I feel so bad that she had to witness the beginning of such a brutal seizure and be responsible for finding help.
She did such a great job, and we are all so very, very proud of her.
Chad had been feeling normal, or he would have never gone to get Carys off the bus. He doesn’t remember much about Tuesday, but he says he doesn’t think he had any warning (aura: a feeling that a seizure is coming on); it just hit him.

Once I got to Chad, I glanced at my watch. 4:43 pm.
The minutes passed. 4:47 pm.
The seizure didn’t let up. 4:50 pm.
Normally, one of his seizures lasts a maximum of 4 minutes.
Our neighbors were on their way home from work and passed us in the street. Thankfully, they took care of the girls for me.
Another neighbor, who happened to be taking out his trash, came out to see how he could help.
After a few more minutes with no signs of relief, I asked him to call 911. Chad had been seizing for nearly 25 minutes. 5:08 pm.

The ambulance was on it’s way, but Chad’s body was still in motion.
Looking back, I don’t think it was ONE large seizure. I think it was a series of large tonic-clonic (”grand mal”) and petite seizures with no periods of rest in between. His body had a distinct pattern of seizing wildly for a few minutes, followed by less intense minutes. Then it would repeat. And repeat. And repeat.
He was in and out of consciousness, and I was scared.
As my neighbors waited in the street, I sprinted home to call Chad’s parents, my mom and grab my purse and an already-packed overnight bag. I have learned, unfortunately, to have this bag ready at all times.

The ambulance arrived and administered a nasal injection (to reach his brain quickly). Chad tried to fight this off; he didn’t like to feeling of a liquid being shot up his nose. He tried to push away the oxygen mask because he didn’t understand what was going on.

I had already moved the van closer to the ambulance so I could follow — but I forgot to grab Chad’s medicines. The EMTs said they had to go NOW and couldn’t wait for me to get the meds. I knew that I could never remember all the doses and names of the drugs, so I agreed to meet them at the hospital. They left. Chad was still seizing, although not as intensely. I was later told that Chad stopped convulsing about 2-3 minutes after they got him loaded in the ambulance.

Total seizure time was 33 minutes.
Unimaginable.

I arrive in the ER, anxious at what I would find.

On my ride there, I kept thinking about the length of the seizure and the possibility that Chad could have fallen and severely hurt himself.
After 10 minutes of seizure activity, he could have suffered serious and permanent brain damage.
He went on for so much longer than that. I was scared for him.
I had about 20 minutes (the time it took me to drive to WakeMed) to resign myself to the fact that he would have brain damage.
I was certain that his body could not have handled the stress and prolonged seizure activity.
I had to get all of these negative thoughts out of the way before I saw him in the ER.

When they let me back, I was bombarded by nurses, EMTs and social worker for information.
After the flurry of questioning was over, I finally saw that Chad was okay. He couldn’t talk. He couldn’t move his right side very well. He couldn’t squeeze my hand when I asked him to. But he did wiggle his toes and feet when I asked. He understood me!

They wheeled him back to a ER bay, away from triage. And we were placed in the EXACT same room (C-22) as his first ER trip in November 2007.
There, we waited for hours.
He gradually started to talk, but the only thing he could say was “yea”. No matter what we asked, the response was the same.
“Does your head hurt? Does your belly hurt? Does your neck hurt? All “yea” — and he was growing more frustrated when he couldn’t get the words out that he actually meant to say. He went for a CT scan to check for any active bleeding in his brain.

Later in the evening, about 11pm I guess, her started producing spontaneous sentences, but would quickly lose focus. He would latch on to a sentence and repeat it for 15-20 minutes at a time.
“Can you find me a Sprite?” Then he would get agitated when we gave him a Sprite. He didn’t want a Sprite. He wanted to use the bathroom, but couldn’t find the words to tell us.
“Why does my belly hurt?” He asked me this at least 150 times. Over and over. He was so insistent that the ER doctor sent him over for a chest x-ray, just to be safe.

The CT looked okay; there was no active bleeding. However, with no scan to compare it to, the ER doctors couldn’t say if there was tumor growth or not.
The chest x-ray showed a small amount of fluid in his right lung, where he had been complaining of intense pain. It’s very likely that he aspirated (breathed in saliva) while seizing. The medical team wasn’t too concerned about it turning into pneumonia, but did mention to keep an eye out for fever and coughing. (None to mention, thankfully!)
Chad fell while cutting the grass about two weeks ago and most likely fractured a rib. When he fell Tuesday, it’s highly likely he injured that area again; causing his severe discomfort. The x-ray didn’t reveal a break, but the technician admitted that rib fractures are hard to detect and he suspected the pain was actually from a fracture or crack. There is nothing they can really do about it, unless he punctured his lung – but that didn’t happen, so we just have to tough that part out.

When we were finally admitted and sent to a room, it was shortly after 2am Wednesday morning.
He was able to get some sleep and we was definitely feeling marginally better.
I suppose it took Chad more than 8 hours to regain his speech and gross motor functions after his seizure.

We met with the neurologist on call from our regular neurology office on Wednesday morning. He, like myself, was very hesitant to increase the dosages of the two anti-seizure medications Chad is on. These are great drugs, and they are doing what they are supposed to do; it’s highly likely that Chad will always have breakthrough seizures, no matter the dose.
We are all fairly confident that Chad’s extreme fatigue over the last year is due to the large doses of anti-convulsant medications. It wouldn’t make much sense to increase the dosages and make him more lethargic. So, the new plan is to introduce a third medication in hopes of slowly weaning him off his second medication. He should, hopefully, only be on three seizure medications for a few weeks.  If you remember, we tried this not long ago with Topamax, in hopes that it would lessen his headaches and seizure activity. It didn’t really help, so we discontinued it. This new drug, Lactimal, is supposed to reduce seizures AND help Chad think more clearly. Wouldn’t that be fabulous? If he could get rid of the fogginess AND get some energy back?
It’s what we hope for.

Right now, we have a plan to meet with Chad’s regular neurologist at the end of the month.

Next week, we’ll be busy:
Blood draw on Monday.
Chad will be having PRK (a follow-up laser eye adjustment) on Tuesday.
Follow-up Wednesday.
Portrait session Thursday.
Nothing on Friday. But I’m sure that will change.

Thank you, as always, for your constant prayers. I could feel all of you with us during the chaos on Tuesday and Wednesday and I just appreciate each of you caring so much for our family.
I will keep you posted, but we are hoping there will be nothing to report for a while.

Weight Lifting

Did you know I was a weight lifter?
I am.

Seriously.

You can stop snickering now…

Yea, yea. I know you’re thinking, “She sure doesn’t look like a weight lifter…

Well.
I don’t lift traditional weights.

Since August 4, 2001, I have been lifting the marriage weight. And man, is that ever tough work!
I juggled the weights of new home ownership and fresh-from-college-now-I-have-a-real-job weights that same year.

Since Carys was born in 2003, and then Cailyn in 2006, I have lifted the weight of motherhood.
Sometimes those little blue-eyed, blond-haired weights are heavier than I could have ever imagined.

As if those weights weren’t enough, I added the diabetic weight in 2006. Phooey!

Then, with Chad’s surprising diagnosis of brain cancer and the discovery of IT in 2007, I have added way more weights that I would like.

The emotional, physical and financial weights of living a life with two young daughters, a husband with a devastating disease, diabetes and all the other stuff….well, it’s almost too much for me to handle at times.

I would look at other people in my life and wonder how they seem to lift similar weights so effortlessly.
I just couldn’t understand how they were able to build a positive emotional workout while I was struggling to lift the daily weights of life and was often out of breath from sheer frustration and exhaustion.

People often ask me how I juggle it all.
And the answer is simple. And it’s no secret.
I do my best. And God handles the rest.

When I sense that I cannot handle one more possible thing in my life, God shows me that I can.
Sometimes, He adds more for me to juggle. And He teaches me that I can handle anything.
I can do it. I can do anything.
And you can, too.

The weights I lift on a daily basis can be tricky; true.
And sometimes I do wonder how easy life would be without such struggles and hardships.
But then I always come to the same conclusion; everyone has weights in their life.
Every single person has something that they struggle to contain or let go of; it’s just the way life is.
And if you think my weights are heavier than anyone else’s…well, that’s not true.
If you have a weight in your life, whether it be illness, unemployment, depression – whatever, you don’t have to lift it alone.

At Chad’s fundraiser, we had the privilege of witnessing a great weight being plucked from our lives.
I’m not sure if I was reaching a breaking point, or if we were just “due” some good news, but a huge weight has been lifted from our family. I can not tell you the immediate calmness and security I have felt since that day. To see all the loving and comforting faces, smiles and tears…it’s taken me some time to process it all.

People are so good to us; and we are so thankful.
We give back whenever we can and we appreciate all of you who did the same.

In the past eleven nights, I have slept more soundly and peacefully than I have in a long, long time.

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.

We have been given an immediate release of stress.
We can breathe again, a little easier at least.
The weight has been lifted, and I thank God that He has allowed us to be a part of such an overwhelming  testimony of what can be provided when you trust Him.

He is the Ultimate Weight Lifter.
And I am so grateful that He carries our load.

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Busy weekend

On Friday, Carys had her adenoids removed and her second set of ear tubes placed.
Hopefully, we can ward off those pesky ear infections for a while!
She has felt well all weekend, but started feeling a little puny this afternoon. I think it has all finally caught up with her.
And I bet it doesn’t “help” that she’s been screaming at her sister.
I’m undecided if she will go to school tomorrow.
Part of me thinks she may be feeling a little worse today because she knows she has to go back to school tomorrow…but I would hate to send her if she genuinely felt bad.
We’ll play it by ear.

On Saturday, Chad & I took the girls to Clemmons State Park to feed the fish and turtles. We had a moldy loaf of bread, so we had to find something to do with it…
We walked a bit, but I really didn’t want to stress Carys out.
Then a trip to WalMart — I swear I should just live in a tent in the parking lot.
There is always something I forget or miss; and I make a list every time I go. I don’t get it.
It’s a like a retail black hole.
(Ugh. And as I type this, I realize I forgot bread. Again.)

I have been grilling Chad for a few weeks now about getting a dog.
Truth be told, I miss having one around. I am a cat person. And a dog person. I like both. Equally.

I knew the girls would be thrilled, and so very excited.
Chad? Not so much.
He did finally give up and told me I could get a dog.
I think it will be great for him, once he warms up to her.
He was so attached to Zoe and Sisco, our beagles, that I think it may take a little extra time.

But he will.
I mean, seriously.

Just look at this sweet Jack Russell Terrier face.
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She was at a local rescue center, and I couldn’t wait to get my hands on her today. Her name was Sprite, originally. But the girls have already named her Lucy Princess — or Lucy for short. And now she is Josie…poor dog is going to have an identity crisis.

She was set to be euthanized about 2 weeks ago at a shelter in SC, and the Rescue took her in.
I was told she was a JRT mix, but I’m not so sure. I really think she’s 100% JRT — and more excited that she seems to be so calm and mellow-natured.
We need to get some weight on her. Shouldn’t be a problem in this house!

Carys & Cailyn absolutely loved helping Josie investigate the yard and throw balls to her all afternoon.
Andy Josie is just as smitten with them! She paced between their two bedrooms all evening, checking on them. If someone coughed, Josie was right there. If someone rolled over and the bed made a noise, Josie was right there. It was so sweet!

I think we’re all going to have a great time getting to know her!

Calling all triangle-area brain tumor patients!

I think I may have lost my mind — but I have been thinking of doing this for a while.

If you know anyone who has a brain tumor and/or brain cancer or cares for a brain tumor/cancer patient, please  email me.

The reason?
I have been searching for a local support group for Chad. It would be a great asset to him (and our family) to be able to meet and talk with other people in a similar situation.
I have found a ton of cancer support groups in the area, but nothing specific to brain tumors and brain cancer.

I’m thinking of starting a Brain Tumor Support Group in the area.
We need to gauge response before I start this endeavor — and would love to have your help!

I’ll give more details as they become available.

A day at the park

I have grown weary of staring at my computer screen.
I have grown weary of sitting in my kitchen at my desk, deciding which task to accomplish next.
So we (Chad, Cai & I) took a vacation day. Carys went to school (and I even woke up in time to get her on the bus! Success!).
We did have to get some errands out of the way.
But, then…

Then, we played at a park I’ve been meaning to get to for the last three months.
We laughed at each other.
We enjoyed the fresh air.
We had a picnic lunch.

And I recharged my batteries a bit.
I think we all did.

Welcome, Monday.
I’m ready for you now.

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THANK YOU! Thank you! thank you!

I’ve always been taught that if you pray specifically, prayers are answered specifically in return.

What did I pray for today?
You.
Each and every one of you.
All 500 of you.
I also prayed that the weather would be nice — and it was! We didn’t see the first drop of rain until after 3pm.
Absolute perfection.

thankyou

Today’s fundraiser was an absolute success!
We sincerely appreciate everyone’s generosity and outpouring of love and prayers.
We estimate about 500 people showed up to support us. Phenomenal!
We knew a lot of them.
And some of them, we have never met.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Words are not enough.
You have each made a dramatic contribution to our family and we cannot thank you enough.

t-shirts

I got the shirt shipment in today & I was more than pleased. They look great!
I encourage you to use Crazy Dog Shirts for your t-shirt printing. They were awesome to work with and very quick!

So, now I need to move these out of my house — and into yours!
Buy one, buy two!

THANK YOU!

Choose Design + Size

tshirt options
So, the swirl front design is a little blurry. I apologize. My photographer is a little inexperienced with my camera yet.
I hope you get the idea, anyway. (With the shirt. Not my photographer…)


Fundraiser highlights

The fundraiser is coming up soon!
Saturday, April 24
10am – 2pm
Garner Advent Christian Church
Directions – see the bottom of this post

* I have meal tickets available for purchase. If you are interested in buying your meal ticket in advance, please email me. $7 each. Purchase and I’ll mail it to you or we’ll hold it for you on the day of the event.

* Bracelets & t-shirts will be available the day of the event. If you are unable to come but would like to purchase one of these items, please let me know via email. 
Bracelets: $3 each (or two for $5).
T-shirts: $20 each (Youth S, M, L and Adult M, L, XL). T-shirts are limited.

* The Silent Auction is full of goodies! Watch my blog and FaceBook next week for a full list of items available for bidding. You do not have to be present to win, although some of these items will go down to the wire – so I would advise hanging around :)

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DIRECTIONS

I just cut & paste from Google.
So if you get lost, call Google headquarters.
You’ll have to, um, Google their phone number.
From Fayetteville area:

 

Take I-95 N 25.1 mi
Take exit 81 to merge onto I-40 W toward Raleigh 22.8 mi
Take exit 306A to merge onto US-70 W toward Garner 3.1 mi
Take the Vandora Springs Rd exit 0.2 mi
Turn left at Vandora Springs Rd
Church is on the right, 1120 Vandora Springs Road

From Triangle area:

Take I-40 W/US-64 W via the ramp to I-440 1.0 mi
Take exit 298A for US-401 S/US-70 E/N Carolina 50 S/S Saunders St toward Fayetteville 0.1 mi
Turn right at N Carolina 50 S/S Saunders St/US-401 S/US-70 E
Continue to follow N Carolina 50 S/US-401 S/US-70 E 1.7 mi
Slight left at N Carolina 50 S/US-70 E 1.9 mi
Take the exit toward Vandora Springs Rd 0.2 mi
Turn right at Vandora Springs Rd
Destination will be on the right, 1120 Vandora Springs Road

A little bird…

A little bird told me that quite a few people had decided not to attend Chad’s fundraiser in two weeks. I have to admit, I’m a little bummed to hear that.
However, when I discovered the reason why they wouldn’t be attending, I felt the need to address it here.

I want everyone to know that Chad (and I) would love to see you.
Chad has good days and bad days with his memory – but I’m sure he will remember you!
He will remember your face or name or how you know each other.
He may remember everything. Or you may have to help him a little.
But he will remember.
He may not have a long conversation, but he will talk. And he will sincerely appreciate you coming by to see him, even for a few minutes.

Don’t be nervous. Or scared. 
It’s still Chad.
And he wants to see you.
He is looking forward to it – very much!
Do I think he’s a little nervous about so many people wanting to see him in one day at one place? Sure – a little. But he’s also excited. He misses his co-workers and friends. And he’s very tired of sitting in the house all day everyday.

Not quite sure what to expect from Chad, or what a conversation with him might be like now?
I assure you it’s probably not what you think.
It will be good for him.
It will be good for you.

And I welcome you to email me or call if you have any reservations, hesitations or questions.

Little update

Sunday – Easter. Girls were cute in their dresses and their bellies were full of chocolate by 8am. Went to church. Had to find the ONLY urgent care center open on Easter Sunday for Carys her pet ear infection. Had family over for lunch. Turned my laptop in for repair – again. Hope to have it back soon.

Monday – Left for Asheboro. Girls really enjoyed the pool and hot tub at the hotel, and dinner at Rockola.

Tuesday – Enjoyed the zoo, 10am – 3pm. It was hot. The girls were whining. We skipped quite a bit – but I’m at peace with it. If you add this trip to the last trip almost 2 years ago, then we have successfully seen everything at the zoo at some point. Chad did well with all the walking and heat. We all participated in a big fat nap before dinner. Girls, again, really enjoyed the pool and hot tub at the hotel. And dinner at Chili’s.

Wednesday – Home. Tired. Hungry. I cooked for the first time in a week, I bet.

Thursday – Heard from Chad’s neurologist. He was denied a drug that really seemed to help. Still ticked at insurance, but also thankful to have it. Partied at the park with our neighbors. Faith’s 6th birthday! Pizza & cake for dinner. I am forgetting how to cook. Carys is not thrilled about going to school tomorrow for a snow make-up day.