Starting something new

Tonight, the girls and I attended our first group therapy session at hospice.
I was a little nervous about going; I wasn’t sure what to expect.
There were kids and lots of wives that, like me, that lost their partner much too soon in this life.

We started with dinner, then split into groups; several different age groups for the kids and then one for the adults.
We didn’t do a lot of talking tonight; mostly listening about what the group would discuss over the following seven weeks.
Surprisingly, I knew another one of the women tonight. It seems so surreal to see someone in a situation such as that; unfair, even.
I want to see people at the grocery store. Or at Starbucks. Or even Wal-mart. Not at a support group for grieving widows and their children.
It was also comforting to see her. She knows my pain, even though we don’t know each other very well outside of that common thread.

Next week, we’re supposed to bring a picture of our loved one and discuss what brought us to the group, our story.
I don’t think I need to really say it.
But.
That will be intensely difficult.

Most people in my life know what has happened.
I don’t have to rehash details or really talk about it very much.
And when I do, it’s usually to help someone who is going through something similar.
Sitting around a circle, looking into the lives of others who have suffered such a traumatic loss, will rip the band-aid off my heart.
It is something I must do, however.

I’ve learned many things throughout this journey, and it appears that I’m not done just yet.
I teared up a few times, seeing the physical signs of grief and exhaustion on everyone’s faces.
And, again, it was comforting at the same time.
A room full of people who get it. Who know exactly what widowhood feels like everyday.

I am just so thankful that there are resources available to help the girls & I get our emotional and physical lives back.
We’ve been held hostage by IT for too long. Enough is enough.
We’re on the way to living an ordinary life, with ordinary dreams and ordinary days filled with laughter, sunshine and contentment.