daily update 10.21 – 10.23.2010

Thursday & Friday
Chad had a good day. I spent some time with him Thursday morning before heading to the fair with the girls.

He was quite chatty Thursday morning.
When I walked in, he looked at me and clearly said, “I love you!”
Warmed my heart.

My mom & the girls met me at Hospice and the girls, of course, wanted to go in to see Chad.
I obliged, knowing he was having a good day.
By the time we got back into his room, he was sound a sleep and my efforts to wake him were futile.
Carys had made him a card and was disappointed that she couldn’t show it to him. So, we left it on the table.
The girls each gave him a peck on his arm, and we were on our way.

We had a great time at the fair. Walked, walked, walked. And the girls did very well with all the walking, until it was time to go home of course.
I did snap quite a few pictures with my smaller camera, and haven’t pulled them off the memory card yet.
Here is one I took at the top of the ferris wheel, which was Cailyn’s favorite ride.

ferris wheel

We stayed at the fair until 5:30. I met Bob from G105 and took him one of Chad’s fundraiser t-shirts and some bracelets.
He had a similar tumor and we had emailed and talked a few times on the phone over the last two years. It was nice to finally meet him – such a nice guy! He signed a card for Chad and asked he could visit him at Hospice soon – of course, I said yes. We’ll see what happens…
Here we are with the Showgram crew. All very nice, genuine people.
Bob wanted to hold Cailyn for the picture – and she refused. She was a little scared of the beard – but did let him give her a hug.
And Carys said “You da man, Bob!” – made him chuckle.


We raced to grab some dinner on the way to Girl Scouts and made it to the meeting just in time.
Then it was finally time to go home, start baths and hit the sack.
I went back to Hospice late Thursday night to stay with Chad since I hadn’t seen him much that day — and I knew this weekend would be hectic and I wouldn’t be there as much as I would like to be.

While en route, I received a call from one of the nurses, letting me know that Chad had fallen out of bed around 6pm.
He was okay; nothing injured.
I think we were all pretty shocked that he was even trying to get out of bed – he’s been moving his left leg some, but he hasn’t been trying to lift his legs over the rails or asking for help from others to help him up. He just hasn’t even been interested. But Thursday, he was. And he’s tried a few more times since then, to no avail.

Before I went to bed, I had a chance to look at the card that Carys made for Chad.
It absolutely broke my heart.
She drew a picture of Chad on the front. When I opened it, I saw that she had written, ‘All about my Daddy Chad’ and drew lots of hearts. She also wrote ‘good‘ and ‘bad‘ on the side, like a list. One the ‘bad‘ side, she drew a face with a frown and tears, and wrote the word ‘ded‘, that she spelled by herself.
My poor, sweet, innocent girl.
While I’m glad she is letting her emotions out and trying to put things into her own perspective, it also breaks my heart at the same time.

A few weeks ago, she had an exercise at school where she had to color her house and write sentences about her family.
The inside read: “My family is my Mommy. I have a sister. I have a Nana. I have a dog. I have a cat. I have a fish. I have a turtle.”
She drew everyone, too – but there was no mention of Chad. When I asked her about it later, she told me that Daddy didn’t live with us anymore so he wasn’t in our family. I reassured her that no matter where Chad is, he is always her Daddy and absolutely always part of our family. A big, huge part.
When I asked the children’s grief counselor about it this week, she assured me that Carys is trying to accept what is happening and her artwork is her only way to fully express her feelings; her way of the letting go process. She isn’t exactly sure how to verbally express herself. Music and art are her outlets. I definitely understand, but it just makes me so sad for her.

He slept well Thursday night.
And I did too, until about 4:45am.
He was awake and trying to get out of bed, so the staff gave him his bath extra early.
He slept peacefully for a while after that.

Friday morning, I was eating a typical breakfast – a large bowl of Greek strained yogurt with honey. I walked in to Chad’s room with it and he was very interested.
I asked if he wanted some and he enthusiastically replied “Yea!”
He ate almost half the container.
When he was done, he looked at me and said, “Next time….can you bring me a different flavor?”
I laughed out loud – he has been talking so clearly this week, in complete sentences, and sometimes the things that come out of his mouth just blow me away.

A couple of my friends brought in treats for the staff at Hospice on Friday morning.
Thank Laura & Laurie — the staff was so appreciative! And I am thankful to have such thoughtful people on our lives; they not only think of us and our family, but our extended family of nurses and caregivers at Hospice.

Chad had quite a few visitors on Friday afternoon, which was great!
I hate that I missed you all, but I am glad that you got to have a good visit.

Chad was just finishing his bath when I arrived this morning, and was having some pain.
He’s been able to swallow pretty well this week, so his morphine and ativan have been given orally.
The nurse also removed his port this morning because it was causing him some discomfort.
They will reinsert it when needed.
He had yet another dose of morphine about an hour later and received new Fentanyl patches (125 mcg).
He is sleeping soundly now.

I will be hanging out with him for a while today, and then heading back home to finish a few things I must complete before tomorrow.
The girls are with my fabulous Aunt Donna at my grandfather’s house for his annual Fly In — an event where he invites all of his flying buddies to his airstrip. The girls were so excited and I was disappointed that I couldn’t go with them. Too much to do with not enough time.
But I’m glad they are having a great time.
They deserve a good little distraction from everyday life.

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One Response to daily update 10.21 – 10.23.2010

  1. TraciDove says:

    Glad Chad has been having some more good days and that you and the girls had a blast at the fair. So awesome that you met Bob! Love him!!!

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